🐹 Confessions of a Guinea Pig Parent

Sarah Robarge
Jul 16, 2025
3 min read

Because loving a tiny squeaky potato comes with some very specific quirks…

Let’s be honest: life with guinea pigs isn’t just adorable—it’s weirdly specific.

You start out thinking you’re just getting a couple of small pets. Next thing you know, you’re hand-washing fleece liners at 10pm, arguing with your partner about parsley prices, and cutting bell peppers into perfect piggy-sized pieces.

This one’s for the piggy parents who’ve rearranged their lives (and refrigerators) for the squeaky little chaos nuggets we call cavies.

You rearranged the entire fridge… for lettuce. A refrigerator is full of food. The bottom drawer is full of lettuce.

🛒 1. You rearranged the entire fridge… for lettuce.

What used to be your "vegetable drawer" is now a climate-controlled romaine bunker. You know exactly how long green leaf lasts in your fridge and you’ve developed opinions—strong ones—about where to store cilantro.

Sure, your family might roll their eyes. But do they wheek with joy when they hear the crisper drawer open? No. No, they don’t.

You’ve cancelled plans because “they seemed off.” A woman is sitting next to a guinea pig, watching him while a clock ticks nearby.

⏰ 2. You’ve cancelled plans because “they seemed off.”

“Is he eating? Yes. Is he pooping? Also yes. But… something in his eyes said ‘monitor me.’”

Guinea pigs are prey animals, which means they hide illness well. But you? You’ve trained yourself to spot even the faintest vibe shift. Your friends may not understand. Your pigs definitely do.

You’ve spent more on fleece than on furniture. A woman is sitting next to a guinea pig with a pile of fleece in her lap.

🎁 3. You’ve spent more on fleece than on furniture.

Let’s not talk about how many patterns you own. Or how many you won’t use because they’re not that pig’s “aesthetic.”

Your home may have mismatched dishes and thrift store chairs—but your pigs? Your pigs have curated seasonal fleece rotations.

You have 4,732 guinea pig photos… and 3 of your cousin’s wedding. A guinea pig is resting on a chair, and there are pictures of guinea pigs everywhere.

📸 4. You have 4,732 guinea pig photos… and 3 of your cousin’s wedding.

Piggy glamor shots. Napping piggy. Zooming piggy. Piggy eating a raspberry. Piggy thinking about a raspberry.

And yes, your phone background is your pig. And your lock screen. And your smartwatch face. And maybe your desktop wallpaper. Don’t @ us.

You say “Who wants a snack?” in a high-pitched voice… even when alone. A woman is offering a guinea pig a strawberry.

🍓 5. You say “Who wants a snack?” in a high-pitched voice… even when alone.

Even if you live alone, you still say it out loud. Because they expect it. It’s part of the ritual.

Try skipping it and see what happens. The silence? Judging you. The eyes? Disappointed.

You’ve considered buying a house… based on where the best piggy room could go. A man and a woman are in a new home with a thought bubble of a C&C cage floating above their heads.

📦 6. You’ve considered buying a house… based on where the best piggy room could go.

You’ve walked through listings thinking, “This laundry room would make a perfect bonding pen.”Forget the walk-in closet—you’re picturing a floor-to-ceiling hay storage system.

Real estate agents don’t understand. Guinea pigs would.

You clean poop more often than most people vacuum. A woman is in a C&C cage sweeping up guinea pig poop.

🧹 7. You clean poop more often than most people vacuum.

You’ve uttered the words “I’m just doing a spot clean” so many times it’s practically your catchphrase.You own more dustpans than you do forks. And your pigs? They always manage to poop in the one spot you just cleaned.

You interpret every squeak like a seasoned translator. A guinea pig and a human are talking to each other.

🐷 8. You interpret every squeak like a seasoned translator.

“That’s his ‘Where were you?’ wheek. Totally different from his ‘I heard a bag crinkle’ wheek.”

Piggy parents develop an ear for nuance. You know the difference between a curious chirp, a contented purr, and the dreaded “I’m annoyed” teeth chatter. It’s not just communication. It’s a love language.

You own more pet-safe cleaning sprays than human ones. Two bottles sit, one labeled "pet-safe", the other labeled "vinegar."

🧼 9. You own more pet-safe cleaning sprays than human ones.

You read labels. You know ingredients. You trust vinegar like it’s holy water.If a product isn’t fleece-safe, playpen-friendly, and pig-approved, it doesn’t make the cut.

Meanwhile, your bathroom cleaner? Mystery brand from 2019.

You wouldn't change a thing. A man sits on the floor enjoying the company of his five guinea pigs.

❤️ 10. As a guinea pig parent, you wouldn’t change a thing.

Sure, there’s hay in your socks and poop in your path. You vacuum constantly and your house smells faintly of orchard grass.But your pigs bring you joy. They calm your nervous system. They remind you to stay present. They squeak when you come home.

They’ve turned your house into a hay-filled squeakfest… and your heart into a piggy playground.

💬 Sound familiar?

If you found yourself nodding, chuckling, or saying “Hey! That’s me!”—You’re not alone. Tag your favorite confession with #CavyConfessions, or share your own Guinea Pig parenting truth in the comments below.

👉 Want to wear your piggy pride? Visit the Guinea Pig Gift Shop » for tees, prints, and home goods made just for squeak-obsessed humans like you.